Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
