I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
