two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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