I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
