"it" just moved
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Randomize
