I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
