I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
