Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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