I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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