I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize