Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
