Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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