just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
