I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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