have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
