super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize