my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bring me that man meat
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
