Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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