Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hippo gnu deer
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
