party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
