i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
