Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize