Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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