so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Mom said you looked used
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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