She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
