it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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