every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why do cheetos always look like penises
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize