I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i drank out of a bidet.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
