I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
