hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
