Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
