don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
