my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
