Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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