I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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