The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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