Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
