Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
