I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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