I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
