...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
