And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize