Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
