My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
