wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
