No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
