Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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