She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Four minutes until I can fart!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
