I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
