He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
