You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
