that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
