I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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