apparently the secret to your success is patron
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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