Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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