So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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