I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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