so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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