I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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