Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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