Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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