He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This toilet bowl is my home.
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