Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
