He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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