You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
