he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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