Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize