i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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