She announced her abortion via fbk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
