just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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