Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize