I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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