no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
did you just send me my own nude
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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