Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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