I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
